I’m not a very good wife or mother sometimes.  My husband knows through my tone, attitude and words that I don’t like what he just did.  The kids are arguing and I raise my voice and tell them to stop fighting.   I struggle with sin and make mistakes.  At times I feel like I really blow it.  I use to get really down on myself (I still occasionally do).  I know that I’m forgiven etc., but so much of my identity can be wrapped up in being a wife, mother, and a homemaker.

Have you ever had one of those days where it feels like you aren’t doing anything right?  Besides struggling with sin, you’re struggling with keeping things together, you’re behind in your commitments, there are so many things that you feel like you should do, but you’re not able to.  You ask yourself how come so and so are able to do this, but not me?  Do you get down on yourself?  Do you find yourself questioning whether you are a good wife? mom? home-maker?  etc.?

Where is your identity or self-worth found?

How do you think of yourself? What is your identity tied to… being a wife, a mother, a friend, a homeschooler, a  homemaker, a writer, a ____________?

Being a wife and mother can be consuming.  It requires so much of our time, and if we’re honest, I believe much of our identity can be wrapped up in these two things.  The fact that you’re taking time to read this article means that you care about being a good wife and/or mother.

Don’t misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with desiring to do and be our best in those different areas.  It is a blessing to be a wife and a mother and it’s important to take our roles and responsibilities seriously and to do our best – do everything unto the Lord.  We can, though, get caught up in these things.  Desiring so much to be the best at all these things can cause us to lose sight of what is most important and also cause us to be overly discouraged when things in these areas are not going well.

As we all have experienced, there will be days when we struggle. Sometimes this is a result of something we have done, other times it’s a result of others or circumstances.  If we are honest, we also compare and/or look at what others are doing or not doing or what is going on in their lives and compare ourselves and our lives to theirs.

Our self-worth and identity should not be tied to how well we think those things in our life are going.  We are daughters of the King!  This is where our identity and worth can be found.  Nothing and no one else can ever take that away.  There is such tremendous freedom in knowing this.

We know that we belong to God!   He loves us completely and unconditionally!  We don’t need to do or be anything in order to have His love.  No matter what is going on, He accepts and loves us.  You can count on Him no matter what.   We can take encouragement, too, from knowing that He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it! (Philippians 1:6)

What a difference finding our identity in Christ can make in our lives.   We will worry less and trust more.  We will seek Him and His wisdom/ guidance and not the approval of others.

Here is an I AM poem that you could print out to remind you of who you are in Christ.


A Child of God
Romans 8:16

Colossians 1:13-14

Saved By Grace Through Faith
Ephesians 2:8

A New Creature
2Corinthians 5:17

Redeemed from the Hand of the Enemy
Psalms 107:2

Led by the Spirit of God
Romans 8:14

An Heir of God and a Joint Heir with Jesus
Romans 8:17

An Inheritor of Eternal Life
1 John 5:11-12

Getting All My Needs Met in Jesus
Philippians 4:19

Strong in the Lord and the Power of His Might
Ephesians 6:10

Walking by Faith and Not by Sight
2 Corinthians 5:7

Bringing Every Thought Captive
2 Corinthians 10:5

Being Transformed by a Renewed Mind
Romans 12:1-2

The Light of the World
Matthew 5:14

Daughters of the King, I truly believe that if we keep things in perspective, focus maybe a little less on our other roles and what is or isn’t happening and more on our identity in Christ, the result will be happier, more joyful homes!

Melanie is wife to Tyler; married 15 years. She is a homeschooling mom to two precious children.  She is passionate about many things including her faith, living life purposefully, and parenting.  Her passions and a prompting from God led her to start Passionate Purposeful Parenting, a website created to try to help encourage and equip parents.  She is a lover of wisdom and enjoys spending time with friends and family (especially in God’s creation), camping, attending cultural events (doesn’t happen too often), and being physically active. We are grateful that Melanie also contributes here at Habits for a Happy Home.