My elbows. They cry out as I prop myself up. I swing my legs around to the floor. The knees that have felt many a needle to relieve the swollen since that silly softball injury, they creak. Really? I’m not that old. My ankles work hard carrying me to the bathroom. I reach for the pain reliever.
An hour later, children fed, coffee consumed, still no relief. I leave one in charge and the rest of the children in various stages of dress and head for the shower. Seeking warmth for the joints. The hot water spills and my tears mingle.
I face the guilt. Standing in the shower I wonder, why am I such the wimp? So many others have bigger pain. Prayer lists full of more serious physical torments than mine of some twenty years. This unexplained autoimmune attack that could be the reason for five losses.
Then I wish. Wish this had happened on a Saturday. Then he could have toted, carried the youngest as he often does. My husband could have stepped in and balanced the load.
That’s when it hits me. I’m seeking the wrong sorts of relief in the wrong places.
Come to me.
The Lord, He calls to me. At the same time a small child’s hand bangs on the bathroom door. The children calling too.
Yes Lord. I come. But how will I lead the children today? I ask.
Let the little children come to me, He whispers.
Relief. That’s it! We’ll curl up on the couch. They can sit in my lap and we’ll read books.
I’ll go to Him. Curl up in His lap. I’m His child. All of us children, we’ll go to Him.
Then these scriptures, these song verses, thoughts, wash away the weariness…
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak…
When you are weak I am strong…
Just as I am…Oh Lamb of God, I come…
…And give Him the glory great things he hath done!
I had realized this before. Other arthritic days. Given into the ache. Called it a school day on the couch. Realized that this pain is the thorn that keeps me praying. But it wasn’t until this day that I had truly awakened to my ache for Him. This physical manifestation of my need for my Lord.
The Lord says, “I am the one who comforts you.” Isaiah 51:12
And while I started the morning awaking to the aching of my joints, now I realize I am awaking to my aching need for Him to carry me. This physical reminder of my need.
My tears spent, I gather the stack by the couch. I call to the children only the few words He whispered to me…”Come to me.”
I’m not strong. But He is.
Jesus said, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God. And trust in me.” John 14:1
How about you. Is there something, some physical reminder, that points you to Him?
-Tricia homeschools five children from preschool to middle school, mixing up a classical and Charlotte Mason style. You can find her facing that daily dose of chaos at Hodgepodge. She contributes a mixture of writing for The Curriculum Choice, $5 Dinners, Passionate Purposeful Parenting and is a.k.a. Hodgepodgemom.